in medias res

I saw the Passion tonight, so that’s what this post’ll be about. In addition to it being an amazing film in respect to cinematography, it certainly had a spiritual effect on me. I won’t go into detail; I don’t feel like I’m fit to preach on a revelation that has perhaps not had time to fully unveil. Suffice it to say that as I finally left the theater–leaving my seat several minutes after the credits had stopped–I was rendered speechless. I couldn’t even lift my head for the shame I felt, much less express myself. In my head, I could only keep repeating, “He gave his life, and I can’t even give a day.”

I will elaborate on what caused such a breakdown for me. For those who have seen the film (and for those who have not seen it, I’m not spoiling it), you know how unbelievably atrocious the violence against Jesus is portrayed. It wasn’t until Mary runs up to Jesus carrying the cross that it hit me. Before that, the violence only made me recoil and squirm, thinking to myself, “Oh man. God really went through a lot for us.” But when Mary ran up to Christ, with the flashbacks of her running up to him as a child falling down, the total humanity of Jesus became a reality to me. I guess it was the mother-son connection that got me. At that moment I got a pinch of both the love and hurt that all those close to Christ had to feel. Not only was Jesus fully God and fully human, but He wasn’t the only one who felt the pain. The decision He had to make affected more than Him, and the connection to those around Him brought out the humanity of Christ even more so. As Mary knelt down, Jesus looked up from under the cross and said, “See Mother, I make all things new.” It was almost as if He were a kid reassuring his mother, “Don’t worry Mom, it’ll all be okay.” It was here that I began to cry.

From that point on, all the lashings and the crucifixion scene I saw from a different perspective–seeing just how human Christ was. Instead of recoiling and squirming in my seat, it all made me bawl like a wee child. You cannot know what my thought process was like during the last half of the movie until you have also seen it. Good thing I was sitting around all girls… oh wait… maybe not.

So if you wanna pray for me, here’s the big one: pray for a constant realization that it’s not all about me. I’m far too selfish, and that’s not Christ-like at all.

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Well, I just returned from a trip down to Birmingham to see one of my best friends from high school. It was really good to see her, I hadn’t really gotten to just sit and talk with her for a while. That’s some of the best stuff. She’s an amazing girl, and if it weren’t for the distance between us, things could definitely be different. The campus and the city were both quite beautiful, and I’d be there in a heartbeat if they had my major… and if Nashville wasn’t the best place for an aspiring audio engineer.

I got all my reading for tomorrow done while I was in ‘bama, but I still have a “Why I should get this scholarship” paper to write that’s due tomorrow. Ahh!

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Tonight I received an email from Dean of Students, Dr. Andrew Johnston. He personally asked me to take a survey being done by a third party to indicate the student’s point of view on Belmont’s performance. “Awesome!” I nearly said aloud, stopping just in time to realize what a massive tool I’d be if I had done so. If Belmont wants my feedback, I’d love to give it to them! So I proceeded to take, eh HEM! endure the 15 minute survey in an effort to better the school I am attending. Herein lies what transpired in the events of just earlier tonight:

Perhaps this survey was meant only to cover academia. In that case, Belmont should receive quite uplifting statistics about its performance. Unfortunately, to cover the entire student experience, a survey should include questions on residence life, an area in which Belmont seems to be lagging. There are many problems that are constantly seen by the student body, but that are conveniently overlooked by the Administration in an effort to present Belmont as having students that are satisfied “with Belmont’s educational programs and student life.” Simply ask the students and you will find that this is not the case. But instead of asking us, Admissions seem to be kicking us out of our dorms in an effort to show progress with a “record enrollment” for next fall. If the college cannot accommodate hundreds more students than the previous year then it’s not progress–it’s negligence. Provide for the safety and well being of the student body… that’s progressive. -Comments at the end of a freakin’ long survey, Kevin Smith

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Two things on my mind today, both weighing quite heavily…

Today we (us Pembrokians) were told that Belmont has already admitted more students for next year’s freshman class than this year’s. The problem seems to be that Admissions and Residence Life are not on the same page. Admissions sees numbers, those big $$$ flashing in their eyes. They don’t consider asking Res Life what might Belmont’s housing capacity be. Information for our RD filtering down through our RA’s was that in Pembroke next year, they will be doubling single rooms and tripling doubles. I live in a double, and the largest double size in Pembroke at that. If they were going to triple any double, the rooms of my dimension would be the ones tripled, and I can testify that there is no way any third guy could live in here. Simply not gonna happen. This simply infuriates me because I am already paying $22,000 for bad caf food and living in a dorm with a 5 minute burn time, I shouldn’t have to put up with cramped living conditions just because Belmont is greedy. You know we’re not gonna see any kickback in the way of scholarships. A pool of $20,000 is simply not enough for scholarships for 900 music business students, especially if they’ve made it its own college and are expanding the listing of majors. It factors out to $22.22 per music business major. Ridiculous. More on this later…

The other main topic on my mind today is God, so let’s go ahead and get the cliché train rollin’. I just don’t seem to have enough time. And whenever I’m pressed for time, God’s the first thing to do. It’s not a conscious thing, I don’t actually think, “Boy, getting rid of God today would sure free up some time.” Maybe it’s because I know deep down that my relationship with Christ isn’t confined to a set-aside time of 15 or 30 generous minutes I give Him, it’s a continual interaction with my Lord. I do believe that such times are essential, crucial to a growth in knowledge. But that’s not it, that’s not the whole deal. Anyway, time management is going to be crucial this semester.

I criticize things about other denominations of Christianity, but in then end, all that matters is Christ in me. Praying to the Virgin Mary and various saints and treasuring relics as Holy with magical powers are wrong because they displace the focus from where it should be. Our ultimate goal is to emulate Christ, not someone else whom we deem as “worthy.” None are worthy but Him. But these things are easy for me to refute. I did not grow up Catholic or Episcopalian (grouping them only because they differ more than denominations I am familiar with), so they are not part of what I believe. Criticizing them is protesting a foreign government, it only in the slightest way affects me. What is important for me to do is to have Christ look deep inside and show me my own flaws and misconceptions. But then I cannot progress towards the likeness of Christ if I focus on the sin. Once I recognize it, my duty is to face Christ and not wonder what’s behind me. I clearly haven’t got it all figured out. Come back later when I do…

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Well, it’s Saturday, and this particular day, my church youth choir is in town doing a mini-tour of Nashville. This afternoon I am slated to lead the group of mostly 7th and 8th graders on a tour of Belmont to help them make their college decision… I suppose.

Mom and Mamaw are both in town as well. I ate dinner with them last night after going to hear the choir sing at Hickory Hollow mall. It was good to see everyone in the choir, and they were all surprised to see me–I wasn’t supposed to be with them until this afternoon, but I chucked my plans for the Belmont v. Lipscum game just to go see them all. Ya’ll should feel important… really!

I’m going to give plasma here in a moment when JohnnyChun wakes up because I realized that my job sucks, my boss is an idiot, and I only get $25 a week… giving plasma weekly is going to triple my income. That’s sad, ya’ll.

One of my closest friends will be coming to Nashville next weekend, and I was so excited to get to hang out with her again! Ah, but then I remembered that next week I’ll be in Birmingham, so she said she’d make another trip before spring break to see me! Woohoo! Seriously, I love it when people come to visit… so do that more often.

I bought Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson valentines for the guys, but I don’t know if I’ll have time to pass them out. Hmm… we shall see.

I FINALLY got my car speakers installed last night! They sound awesome, though they could use reinforcement from a subwoofer… but really, I don’t have that kind of money, nor do I want to look so ghetto. But they would sound even better. Really. They would!

Oh! I gotta go! Here comes the Thnikkaman!

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After I went to the observation tonight, I decided to work on Untitled Hymn some more. The bass was too loud and the low end sounded muddy in general. I tweaked it, and here’s the latest cut: Untitled Hymn (cut Feb. 11, 2004).

That’s all for now!

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Well I can tell you right now this’ll be a late night. That’s why I’m posting right now. I still have Refuge (an intercollegiate worship thing) at 8 and a studio observation tonight from 10 to 1am. It’s due Thursday, so I have to get it done soon.

I changed up my workout routine this week. Now instead of running for 20 minutes everyday and lifting on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, I’m running 40 minutes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and lifting on Mondays and Fridays. Clayton says it’ll be better, so I guess I’ll try it. He’s not got as much “character” on him as I do.

Speaking of character, I’ve been working on getting a page full of those I mention most in these here posts. It’ll be a good way for you to get to know them all… I think. I’m still missin’ a few pictures from people like Stuffy and Viking.

Valentine’s Day was a massacre even before Capone took out Bug’s boys back in ‘29.

That’s all for now…

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I’ve just left Cowboy’s room where we held our accountability and Bible study for Monday of this week. I’ve realized just how incredibly important it is having people keep you accountable. And that’s not just in a defined setting, but all the time. Today, I went to a mini-seminar here at Belmont (we call them convocation, but I’ll get into that later) with Michael W. Smith. He stressed time and again about the importance of having people keeping you accountable in the business that I’m getting ready to go into. Several things God has shown me today point to that need, and only the foolish would call it coincidence.

I did some reading for New Testament, which was reading all of Mark. Well, I only read half, but that’s not the point. In Mark 5, there’s the story of Jesus healing the man demon possessed by “Legion.” The lesson I learned tonight came from verse 17, “and the crowd began pleading with Jesus to go away and leave them alone.” Why would they do that? He had just healed a man who had been demon possessed with no foreseeable hope! They were more concerned about the harm Jesus caused than the healing. But that’s the way the world is. When Christ works, those who are not followers aren’t left happy. They are offended. Jesus is offensive to the world because He doesn’t offer all encompassing beliefs to please everyone. There is no reason to sugar-coat the truth just to keep from offending people. That’s what I got just from that passage…

Then tonight when I met with the guys, Nathan expanded on it some more. Keep in mind that he had chosen this verse ahead of time. He read 1 Corinthians 18-21:

‘I know very well how foolish the message of the cross sounds to those who are on the road to destruction. But we who are being saved recognize this message as the very power of God. As the Scriptures say,
“I will destroy human wisdom
and discard their most brilliant ideas.”
So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made them all look foolish and has shown their wisdom to be useless nonsense. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never find him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save all who believe.’

That is why those who begged Christ to leave their region did so. And that verse is what comforts me when atheists, agnostics, and various other non-believers attempt to get me riled up and fight in a debate. I cannot debate, I know this. All I have is my testimony. But even if I knew all that God has revealed to those who came before me, explaining it to “those on the road to destruction” would seem like total nonsense. And when I explain what I do know to be true, they argue against it. It defies science, and it can’t be proven. I know all this, yet my faith it not dissuaded. They cannot know because they Holy Spirit hasn’t revelealed it to them.

I am tired now. It’s too late to go to bed and expect to be wide-awake for an early class. I apologize for a lack of humor tonight. Perhaps I’ll expand on this later.

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Well as soon as I finished the last post, kindly readying myself for pleasant dreams, 2nd Pembroke received notice of two new mice, both located in Cicada Nate’s trashcan. Nate placed a trap inside, and after quiet observation of a few minutes, Galileo and Figaro were busily eating away at the marshmallow bait. Unfortunately, their combined weight humping the mouse trap wasn’t enough to set it off, so Nate removed it and made it much more sensitive. He also removed the bags and other trash that were in the trashcan, so only the twins and the trap remained. Figaro (the more active of the two) was bouncing everywhere while Galileo (the dumb one) just sat motionless–perhaps he was trying to play dead, which in the end would prove useless. The useless proving for Figaro came at the point when he bounced onto the trap, setting it off and sending Figaro from inside the trashcan to down the toilet and onto our Hurricane Mousewatch board (and “F” being the next letter, it was quite fitting that Galileo did not take the plunge before his brother did). Now it was Galileo’s turn, but he’s dumb… so he needed help. Nate positioned the trap next to Galileo and he obediently scooted up onto it. With the drop of a cracker, the trap snapped and Galileo was… ahhhh! It’s only his leg! Nooo!

Honestly, I’ve never heard a mouse squeal before. It was the low point of my weekend. Nate put him out of his misery quickly. Or at least, attempted to. After far too many whacks of the hammer (with Galileo continuously heading back for more marshmallow), he was no more.

“He was so dumb, he didn’t know how to die.” -Stuffy

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There are days in a college student’s life when he cannot quite come to a conclusion on when the last day ended and when the current day began. Such was like what I experienced today. Last night, Stuffy asked me to play guitar out in the hall with him. After tiring myself by having gone through my entire tiny guitar repertoire, I suggested we record a little riff he was playing. After three hours of playing, tweaking, fixing, checking, miking, overdubbing, and whoring around, we came out with a beautiful rough sketch of Untitled Hymn. That file is here for you to listen to. Lemme know what you think.

When we finished that, we decided that 1 o’clock was most certainly too early to go to bed. At that point we made the crucial Waffle House run, and when we returned at around 4 in the morning, it was time to have an unsuccessful viewing of Spinal Tap. What a genius film. Well, we tried that screening in the lobby, but of course feel asleep before we could count to eleven. I was awaken at 8 to James (from across the hall) laughing at us. At least, I think it was James. The pretty falling snow out the window confused me. Anyway, the title screen was still playing (and loudly), so I rose to suppress the beast, and then laid back down on the lobby floor. Wait?! Why was I laying down again on the most uncomfortable thing in the five-minute-burn-time dorm? After I chastised myself, I stood back up and hauled my stuff up to the second floor and crashed on the still unmade bed.

Noon woke me to get a shower and get my “day on.” Me and others went to Subway to get some eats, then proceeded to the computer show. Call me a geek, but I already feel bad enough, having paid 5 bucks to get in and left with nothing in my hands. I did order new car speakers, which I’m chalkin’ up to a recording necessity. Let me explain: you see, after mixing something, you must have some system to test that mix on. Well, you can’t test it on the monitors you’ve been mixing it on, so for a college student, the best option is your car. And since any drive home is at least two hours, I’ll know every nuance of those speakers before long.

Tonight Cowboy and I went to see a girl who had to move back home after last semester–she’d come to visit. When we got up to the room, there were about a hundredteen million people in a single dorm room. Simply amazing, it was. After a short while, the boys all schooled the girls in a invigorating round of Battle of the Sexes. Ladies, don’t even try. I know the 3 C’s of choosing a diamond. Please…

And now it’s time to rest.

Goodnight moon, goodnight town,
Goodnight power cords that’ll burn Pembroke down

Untitled Hymn.mp3

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