I’ve got a huge New Testament test tomorrow (or later today I suppose), followed by an equally ravaging Psych test on Friday. But then the weekend is here and Brit’s coming to see me! Woohoo! The good news about all my midterms is that my Survey of Recording Technology test was changed to a take-home test, due the Tuesday after Spring Break, and tomorrow’s 9:30 Rec Tech was canceled. That’ll give me an opportunity to sleep off that dose of espresso I just had. By the way, did you know that if you order an espresso, they give you a tiny cup with about an ounce of scalding hot beverage and a sign with “Sissy” on it to plaster to your forehead? Apparently what I wanted was a latte… who knew?
I’ve had some revelations lately. And that is that I need money””some better source of income. I’m thinking of whoring myself out to Vandy to get $900 for Imodium (with the effects of morphine) testing.
Seriously though, my work at the rock wall has gotten better. It seems as though things I’ve always known are actually being applied now. In the past, when someone told me to do something because I should work at it “as though working for the Lord,” it always seemed to be a form of manipulation to get me to do what they wanted. But since God used the “Passion” to convict me of my selfishness, I’ve begun to see everything in a new light. I may not like working at the rock wall. In fact, I may downright hate it. But today at work I kept being reminded, I presume by the Holy Spirit (I’ve never experienced Him so active before), that it’s not about me. I worked today doing the best at what I was assigned, though I had a headache and was tired. I realized the reason for that too. God desires that we work at everything like we’re working for the Lord because of the witness it gives and the glory it brings to the Father. In the context of the scripture, Colossians 3:22-24, Paul is telling slaves how to live under the rule of their masters (the uncanny parallel to my boss frightens me). He says not only to do it because it will catch their eye, but do perform your task to the best of your ability even when they’re not watching you “because of your reverence for the Lord and as a sincere expression of your devotion to Him.” And that is worship.
Reading over my last paragraph, I am dismayed at how utterly trite and cliché it seems. The problem is that my abilities as a writer (poor as they are) cannot fully express the change Christ has begun within me. Perhaps that is because the true Christian life cannot be simply relayed in words. It simply must be experienced.
The world truly has become a different place to me; the whole of it is a wonderful opportunity to bring glory to God through everything I do. I cannot complain about not having enough time for God. My study time may wax and wane, surely it always will, but I am forever in the presence of God. Everything I do is a chance to worship God. It has long been obvious to me that praise songs cannot fully encompass worshiping God, but I haven’t experienced any other way until now. In my day to day, I am truly worshiping God! And none of the credit can go to me! I may have prayed for brokenness, but that is a dangerous prayer to speak. Even now I am not sure I knew the full ramifications of that idea. The total breakdown of myself by Christ completely shifted my focus skyward. A constant theme now runs through my head, “How can I glorify God in this?” Again, I’m not boasting about this change! How could I? Anything positive from me all comes from above! It is not me thinking about not being selfish””that in itself would be selfish thinking. But the Holy Spirit has taken hold of my thoughts and is constantly steering in a direction that means to glorify the Father. Just as with Paul, if I should boast, let me lay out for you all my weaknesses (but I won’t; there are far too many). “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” It is then that my true self is revealed and Christ can work through me; I hesitantly pray for such times to come!
I’ll leave you, tired as you must be from reading this lengthy post, with Colossians 3:17, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Only then, when you take your focus of yourself, will the Joy you’ve been looking for actually come.
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