in medias res

Here’s a little snippet of fun for all. Below the Waylon poster is the back of one of his other shirts… It simply explains who this rugged character is, in case you were wondering:

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It’s a widely known fact in my circles that I haven’t always been this trim-endously not-fat… Oh! Ahh! I kill myself…

Anywho, I think it all started back in the day when I stopped playing football. I’d played football for eight years, eating my way up and down the buffet line the entire time. Bread baskets on the restaurant tables around town learned to fear me; a bounty of hot rolls lasted nary a minute. But I rue the day I quit playing football. It was freshman year of high school, and in addition to the coach benching this starter for his own personal reasons, I couldn’t handle the work load of those blasted honors courses followed by hours of football practice everyday. Apparently I missed the memo about slowing down the food train when the physical activity slammed to a halt because it wasn’t too long after football ended that my love handles became a bit more than a handful. I didn’t even have the option of a shaved haircut for fear of instant cueballitis. Even in those sad days, I still tried to keep a smile on my face.

Errr…. Beating the ladies off with a stick? Not by a long shot. In fact, said stick would probably still have that new stick smell.

I decided somewhere early during senior year that this being a fat kid wasn’t so much fun anymore. I was getting sick of girls that liked me, liked me a whole lot… but not that way. Not to worry though, they’d always tell me I was cute… ha! Kittens are cute. Do I look like a kitten? Well, to shake that image, I had to run… a lot. More than a fat kid ever desired to run in his life. And the Wendy’s runs? They had to stop quicker than my physical activity when I’d stopped playing football.

By the time the next spring rolled around, I was shuffling around town from one thrift store to another to re-stock my t-shirt collection. The total dropped amounted to around 50 pounds, and I’m still sitting at that total over a year later. And that, kids, is the story about when this kid was fat.

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Chun and I went to eat at Jim N’ Nick’s new barbeque place last night to scope it out. I figure it’d be good to have eaten at places that I recommend to people when they come into town. At some point during our evening, I realized just how “together” Chun and I looked.

I had to go to the bathroom before leaving because of too much not-sweet-enough tea I had. I had quite an experience while in the bathroom. I mean, it’s always a little awkward when someone resides on the throne while I’m in there, but this guy was givin’ ‘er the old heave ho. Thanks to ole Bob VanGroanerson, I nearly peed myself immediately after using the bathroom.

When I got back, this music video of “If You Ever Stop Loving Me” by Montgomery Gentry was on CMT. Frankly, it sickened me. The contradictions were amazing. They sang all about this rough stuff happenin’ to them, followed by

That’s all right, I’m ok./ It ain’t nothin’ but another day./ But only God knows where I’d be,/ If you ever stopped lovin’ me./ I need you,/ Gotta have you,/ In my life, on my side,/ Every day I’m alive,/ Every might when I’m greedy an’ needing,/ You!

This is all being shot in scenes of riding motorcycles out with the boys. Good things she loves him so much, else he wouldn’t be able to have all that boy time… (sissy)…

Last week I spent a few days helping my bro and his wife move their stuff to their new townhouse. At some point during the trip–I can’t remember exactly when–he passed me a $10 all secret-like, coming up close, slipping his hand into mine, and passing off the bill with ease. That instantly took me back to the day mom took us to East Town when we were kids. She went into some store for a few minutes and let Daniel and I stand out in the corridor. For some reason, D had this idea that I needed possession of the $20 mom had given him. So, since he was older, I listened to him. We had it set up; it was all perfectly planned. He would pass the sweet green off, and none would be the wiser.

He looked at me, and my eyes narrowed at him from across the atrium. We each began our slow, determined walk. At the precise moment that had been destined for ages, I met both Daniel and Mr. Jackson. We experienced no complications during the exchange, and sunset saw a strange calmness cast itself o’er the region.

Today at work, I stumbled across a gem for the walls: a WAYLON JENNINGS most wanted poster. We were printing T-Shirts for the old boy, and so I saved me one of the test cloths to hang up. Before doing so, however, Chun, Waylon, and I played some video games.

Hmm… maybe I’ll start an Adventures with Waylon! series. We shall see… we shall see indeed.

One last thing must be mentioned before signing off: Chun is currently out looking for various hotels and apartment complexes that have pools. Hey, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do when his college doesn’t have a swimming environment for refreshment or sport. Anyway, I have to go make sure I have enough to make Chun’s bail… just in case.

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I’m sitting in my brother’s soon to be former apartment unable to go to sleep. My sleep schedule is fanked up to say the least. I decided sometime earlier today that I was definitely coming down to Memphis to help him move. Hey, I’m not doing anything for the next few days, and this will keep me busy.

I decided early today, but didn’t leave until Mike, Chun and I bid Arby’s a farewell circa 8 o’clock, so I didn’t arrive here until 11. Arby’s… their marquee outside said something to the effect of “TRY OUR NEW LOW CARBY’S MENU!” Wherf! This Atkin’s revolution is about to make me sick. Don’t people understand that slicing the bottom off that food pyramid isn’t the best way to go? It’s all about a well-balanced diet and exercise. Tippin’ the scales with no carbs is not well-balanced. Quit trying to find the lazy way out. You may get skinny, but that doesn’t mean your heart will appreciate it.

Terr, thanks for the input… now don’t be expecting a cake from us when you-know-who’s birthday rolls around.

And now, a cookbook for Atkin’s lovers! And if the first part wasn’t satisfying enough, round II!

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Well, today was a most glorious day. It was, until the stroke of midnight anyway, June 13th… which means America’s favorite twins are now 18. In honor of such a wondermous event, me and the boys decided to throw the girls an intimate birthday hullabaloo.

Okay, so it wasn’t much of a hullabaloo, but it was celebrated by pizza and a chocolate cake topped with funfetti icing. [see below]

As you can see, we were all giddy with anticipation for eating the moist cake. After the vittles were all taken care of, we proceeded to sit down and have it out with our old buddy Contra for NES.

We beat ‘er in under an hour. Nice.

One of the best parts of the evening was havin’ my Knoxville buddy Craig along for the ride. I was pleasantly surprised when he called be round 7 to let me know that he was in Nashville for the night before his flight to Kansas tomorrow. (I don’t know what he’s doing there, but I sure hope it’s exciting as all get out.) He wasn’t the only one in town today, though. After two stale weeks of no activity, the last two days have seemed a blur.

Last night was my first night catering, and even my neck muscles are still sore… dang. I’m sure people who saw me walking today were certain of my inebriation. After 7 straight hours of speed walking at the catering gig, I came home to chill with Stuffy and his bro. They needed a place to stay on their way back from the beach, and we were glad to have them. It was an awesome time. They were getting ready to leave this afternoon when my bro, sis-in-law, and li’l sis arrived to make a pit stop in Nashville before continuing onto Memphis. It’s been a whirlwind.

I think I might go to Memphis tomorrow to help them move into their new home. I know these last two weeks I’ve been complaining about having nothing to do, and I’m sure I won’t have a solid job by Tuesday (the catering gigs are only on-call stuff), so I might as well forfeit a few more days to help them out. It’ll be good to just chill with them anyway. Then I’ll come back to the ‘partment to hit the daily grind again… Mmmm, more job hunting.

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Chun didn’t get the truck. He’d been real excited about this red Dodge Dakota, but the loan didn’t work out because his only relative that could co-sign filed bankruptcy two weeks ago… amazing timing.

Stuffy’s coming this weekend! Too bad I’ll be at my first catering gig from 5pm to 1am when he gets here, but I’ll get to see him Sunday. Oh wait… my brother and sister-in-law are coming back through Nashville that day too… Hmm, perhaps things will work themselves out. I doubt my bro will be here before Stuffy even leaves.

I haven’t seen Em since I went home last, and she won’t be back here until the 21st… so that sucks.

I should’ve been making money all these last two weeks I’ve been back in town. But no, I’ve just been sitting here. Got my fill of Law & Order though. Plently of reading, too. I’ve been so bored; I’ve been practicing scales on the guitar. That’s sick.

Viking and I were talking about gays. It began as one of those lighthearted “this thing is being gay” conversations, but turned quickly into a discussion into the morality of homosexuality. Here’s what I don’t understand. Why the hate? I mean, Viking and I both believe that it isn’t right, but we don’t hate gay people. I just don’t understand the connection. Are people afraid of catching it? Do they hate gay people because they disagree with homosexuality? I should hope someone wouldn’t hate me because I am something or do something they disagree. Are people afraid that showing love to gay people will condone their behavior? Question, so many questions…

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I am confused on an issue. I love the church I’ve been visiting (which is Presbyterian Church in America), but there’s one issue that I just can’t concede: baby baptism. I was under the impression that people are baptized as a sign of their commitment to Christ, which would require someone to be at least old enough to understand that. But I’m researching the issue. I would love some help. Any advice or points of view would be greatly appreciated. I’ve learned a lot, but I’ll save that for another post when I have more time. Here’s the basic difference between paedobaptism and credobaptism:

Paedobaptists believe that the proper subjects of baptism are believers and their children… Broadly speaking, a credobaptist is one who believes in what many call believers’ baptism. He is one who believes that a statement of belief (that’s what the word credo means) in Christ is necessary before one is baptized. -PRBC

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Today I went to Walgreen’s to get a roll of paper towels. When I was checking out, I looked at the cashier and thought, “What a nice black lady.” What!? Why the fourth word? Why is that important and why did it even cross my mind? It got me thinking…

I can hardly believe a person would naturally have that thought run across his brain. More than simply noticing the color of one’s skin, am I conditioned by society to pander to someone solely because of their highlighted differences? I sure hope not. But looking at the world around me, I can see the effects of racism still firmly intact in our society. Black people driving expensive cars are profiled by cops; while at the same time, undue pressure is put on a white cop involved in an arrest with a black suspect. And in an astounding situation that I cannot wrap my mind around, we have made it legal in our systems to promote one race over another through a very positive, progressive sounding program. It makes me wonder how we can ever hope for “racial healing” in a society that constantly bombards me with the race card. Every time I turn around, I see another instance of racism, and I’m sick of it. I just don’t see why it’s all so important. And I don’t see how awarding anyone anything simply because of his or her race or gender will ever help absolve the problem. Though they were wrong, years ago some well-meaning whites might have justified “separate but equal” by saying that it was a necessary step towards the end of racism.

By the same token, I cannot legitimize another more modern kind of government-sanctioned racism. Declaring that Affirmative Action is necessary for a short time to “even the ante” doesn’t fly with me. When is that short time over? How does one measure when the whites and the minorities are equal? You can’t. Affirmative Action is still racism, however lovely a spin you put on it.

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