Okay, I can’t help it! I know I swore off all nuances of politics in future posts, but I can’t help it! Tonight is the first of three Presidential Debates. You really should gather a group of friends and all sit down to a pizza and some presidential hilarity. Now first of all, let’s be honest with each other: these debates are no more about true debate techniques and substance than Martha Stewart conveys a homemaker. Since the dawn of time, or at least the dawn of Presidential debates, they’ve slowly been reduced to comedic fodder solely intended for fueling Saturday Night Live (and hence all other lesser comedy shows).
Now, in order to understand any of the brilliant wit that will no doubt be hurled our way in the next 3 months, I feel it my duty to advertise the debates. Friends, if you missed the debates last election, I’m afraid you completely missed out on Al Gore’s grand sighs and Locked Box routine, and you wouldn’t have understood clever Bush-like words such as “strategery” in the next weekend’s SNL skits. Don’t misunderestimate him kids, our favorite cowboy can coin up a little somethin’ in a heartbeat. You know as well as I do that he’s been informed of his mispronunciation of nuclear by various White House aides, but he’ll still look the camera dead in the eye and say, “Nukular.” Oh man! That gets me bout as good as a childhood ticking.
But let’s not leave the opponent out either; his douche-o-meter certainly hasn’t peaked yet. In one of his debates with an opponent for the Senate race, he definitely called the guy a “chickenhawk” for being tough of Defense but not serving in Vietnam. The accusation would have been true, of course, if his opponent had not been 16 when the war ended. I can’t wait to see what tonight has in store!
And now for a few absolutely astonishing quotes from the campaign trail this year:
“You bet we might have.” –Sen. John Kerry, asked if he would have gone to war against Saddam Hussein if he refused to disarm
“I want to thank my friend, Sen. Bill Frist, for joining us today. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. (Laughter.) Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me.”–President George W. Bush in Nashville
“Who among us doesn’t like NASCAR?” –Sen. John Kerry
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” –President George W. Bush
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